Lumpy Features and other Christmas Highlights

Well the rush of shopping, wrapping, baking, and shopping some more has finally ended. Yesterday I cleaned a mountain of dishes, pans, wrapping paper and ribbons. Today my favorite part of the holidays begins - the part where I get to sit around and relax while the children enjoy their new toys. I thought we'd never get here.

Since I finally have a quiet moment to get reacquainted with the concept of sitting, I thought I'd share a few of this year's Christmas highlights for the Reese family.

Christmas Memory Number One: The family was gathered a few evenings ago with the plan of playing a game. Worn out from our day's festivities, no one volunteered to make the trek downstairs to select a game. So we opted for Twenty Questions, the Christmas version. Nat stumped us with the word Toy Soldier, then I did just as well with Snowflake. Brandon's word, however, was guessed in just three tries. What are the odds? "Is it bigger than a breadbox?" Yes. "Smaller than a mountain?" No. "Is it Santa's Workshop?"

The game started to derail with Whitney's word selection: North Pole. Not the place. An actual pole.

"That's not even real!" her father shouted.
"It's in a movie! I saw it!"
"That doesn't make it real! You can't use imaginary objects!" (Faces were red, tension was high.)
"So you're saying I can't use Rudolph? Or Frosty? What about Santa? Are you saying I can't use Santa just because I've only seen him in a movie?"

We thought that ended the argument. Whitney won. The North Pole--the pole, not the place--is a legal word. But not one to give up easily, Dad's next word choice not only stumped us, but brought the game to a screeching halt: Santa's Pet Squid.

Christmas Memory Number Two: We got Brandon a karaoke machine for Christmas. If you know Brandon, or have followed this blog, you know what a perfect gift that is for him. Later that day he told me I was the best mom possible. Not just the best mom. Or the best mom ever. But the best mom POSSIBLE. Can't top that.

Christmas Memory Number Three: Santa brought the soon-to-be grandbaby a Winnie-the-Pooh play mat for Christmas. It features all the Pooh favorites - Eeyore, Piglet, Roo - as well as some lesser knowns, like the elephant Lumpy.

In fact, the box proudly proclaims: With Lumpy features in the Pooh Garden.

If that didn't make you laugh, you need to read it again.

Do you tell your real age?

I had a birthday yesterday. I love birthdays. A year older never has made me sad. Probably something to do with having cheated death a couple of times. I'm always just happy that I got one more year out of the bargain.

I celebrated by leading my church choir in our annual Christmas program. There were a few glitches, but none of them involved me and a legendary fall off the stage while conducting (again), so I can't complain.

There's something about birthdays and aging that I just don't get. Maybe one of you can help me figure it out. Here's the thing. Based on my picture above (about two years old) if I were to tell you I just turned 29, you'd probably think one of two things:

A. LIAR!
B. Whoah. 29? Are you kidding me? What happened? Those years have NOT been kind.

BUT, if I were to tell you I just turned 59, you would probably think something like:
ARE YOU KIDDING ME? 59? WOWZERS! What's your secret? You look AMAZING!

So, given the two different reactions, why does everyone go around claiming to be 29?

By the way - As you probably guessed, I'm neither of those. How old, you ask? I don't suppose you'd believe 69? =)

Contest Winner and Phase Two Begins!

I have been smacked in the face with real life during the holidays, and as a result haven't posted the contest winner of phase one. I am so sorry. I won't go into details about the last five days, since I'll either bore you to tears or make you think I'm lying. Let's just say it involves: a constipated dog, a kid with mono, another with a cold, a wedding anniversary, my husband's birthday, a church Christmas party, a family party, a family member's baptism, a choir program (that I'm directing), and a marathon shopping day. Whew.

But - I have not forgotten the contest! And that there is a winner! This morning I put all the names in a bowl - there were a lot of them I'm happy to say - and as I did I one-by-one kept thinking "I hope it's her" "oh I hope it's her" "oh no, I want it to be her". I think I did that with every contestant for one reason or another. Which made it a given that I would be so happy when I drew the name (other than feeling bad it couldn't be all of you.)

Anyway...the winner, chosen at random, is my good friend Cathleen Rackley. Cathleen is an incredible lady - I don't know how much she would want me to share on this blog, so I'll just say that she's a walking story waiting to be told, and an amazing example to anyone she meets of making the best out of the worst life has to offer. She has also been a great supporter of my work, even before she knew anything about it. There was that time she did reminded me of Kathy Bates and the movie Misery right before warning me that I better not have killed off the good guy. I think that was followed by wicked laughter. (I'm loosening my collar right now.)

But seriously, congrats Cathleen! You deserve it.

And it's not too late to win more prizes. Just write read the book, write a review, and share. Details are here.

Wow! Talk About Amazing Friends!

I'm speechless today. Grateful. Tearful. Thanks to all of you who showed such amazing support yesterday. As I feared might happen, Amazon is still showing that they're 2 to 3 weeks out in the shipping, and they didn't put the book on sale like my publisher asked them to. I so wanted to run around saying "don't do it! wait!"

But that's kind of impossible in cyberspace, so I held my breath and waited, feeling guilty that I'd asked people to make a purchase under such inhospitable circumstances.

And then I did what I have to admit was one of my "Yes, this proves she's an idiot moments." At twelve noon I started watching Amazon closely, refreshing every minute or so. The sales rank number was ridiculous. I didn't write it down (wish I had, just for laughs) but it was approx. 7,000,000. Yep, seven millionth in sales.

So I start refreshing, waiting for that number to change, and it doesn't. Over and over again. I start to feel sad. Having a party and nobody's here. I blow on my virtual party horn. A sad little tune. I do this for a full fifteen minutes. Start consoling myself: I didn't send out reminders. They didn't mark the price down. Won't guarantee it by Christmas.

But NOBODY? Come on!

Then it dawns on me. Mr. Publisher Man told me they recalculate every hour. It's not going to show a difference for a full hour. Maybe not for a full day if it's only a little blip. So I walked away. It was hard, but I did it. Checked back in an hour.

Wowser! It had jumped from a rank of seven millionth to #130,148! The next hour got even better: #29,048. By the third hour it was at #11,277.

The number has fallen since then, back into the range of the second hour, and it will continue to fall. And I don't know how many sales that represents. But it does put me up into the world of respectable books. Gives me a jumpstart that would have been impossible to reach any other way.

I still feel so guilty about asking you to buy a book at full price with slow shipping right before Christmas (especially one written by an author who's part-idiot). But I'm just floored that so many of you did.

Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you!

And in case you're wondering - I'll be announcing the winner of phase one soon!