American Idol - What's the deal?

I'm going to take a break from my usual random writings to bring your attention to a matter of pressing concern to our nation.

American Idol.

I'm not sure how many of you watched last night. Probably only a few million. Well, I was one. And I came away seriously concerned. I'm sure I'm not alone in saying that AI has come to be one of the most trusted sources on television today. When something happens on AI, we can be confident it's the real deal. Right?

So when AI producers said they want contestants with more spunk this year, I'm sure they meant it. They didn't like how nice they were last year. You know, all those obnoxious things like thanking the judges for their criticism and encouraging the other contestants? Snoozeville. They want contestants that will argue with the judges. Maybe throw a few spit balls. They think it'll be better for ratings.

So it makes perfect sense that they would go to Utah. I'm sure it's not because they thought they could make fun of an entire state? Last year they had two Mormons. (Brooke and the little David, in case you're not up on the contestant's religious affiliations). Hands down, two of the sweetest and classiest kids ever. Also two of the absolute most boring if you go by AI standards. But from what I saw last night, they'll be starting out with at least a dozen kids just like that.

I'm sure the AI producers are devastated. Obviously they didn't know they'd find nice in Utah. Because they'd never say anything they didn't mean.

uh-huh.

And speaking of sweet, classy kids-What the heck does David Osmond need American Idol for? That kid is cute. I'm talking Osmond Cute. And he can sing. And when he sings and smiles at the same time--that's stuff little girl's dreams are made of. Seriously now, if Uncle Donny can't make him go places, who can? Uncle Donny doesn't just know people. He IS people.

But I'm sure there were no favors. I'm sure David Osmond just showed up like any other contestant. It's probably even a coincidence that it's the Osmond named DAVID. Cause if you can't trust AI, who can you trust?

Don't answer that.