Monday, May 3, 2010

Rad Grad

Today was my last day of radiation. I got a diploma and everything. The staff members, who have been my friends and confidants over the last five weeks, all asked me what I was doing to celebrate. But I didn't have an answer, since I haven't really planned anything. I said lame things like the hubby will take me out to lunch, and I'm watching the grandbaby, and my daughter is being honored by the principal tonight (way to go Nat!) so we're doing that instead. But I think the reason I haven't made real plans is that I'm feeling strangely ambivalent about the whole thing.

Don't get me wrong, I'm more than happy to stop going to the hospital everyday to get baked. (Which has kept me so busy I haven't had the time and/or focus to write about it. More on that later, I hope.)

It's just that I'm not really feeling like this is the end of anything.

For one thing, I've been told that the burn I'm feeling right now is from treatments of a couple weeks ago, so I'll continue to fry from within for a couple more weeks. And the fatigue will increase for a month or so while my body tries to recuperate. 'The End' was a lot more exciting before they told me that.

Then there's the lymphedema. I'll get back into weekly treatments for that this week. And in three weeks I get to be put back into menopause with the first of monthly (or so) injections. I'll also have another of my regular heart exams which requires an injection of radioactive material ("don't worry, it's perfectly safe"). Plus there's the chemo drug Herceptin that I'll be getting every three weeks through November. And in four weeks I'll start heart tests and blood work for my reconstructive surgery, which, if all goes well, will happen in six weeks.

So you see why I'm not feeling exactly...done. More like Mark my tech called me when I finished the treatment today: "Medium rare." Ding.


Terresa said...

(((Hugs))) to you for getting through this all. I was wondering what a "rad grad" meant, and now, reading your post, I get it.

PS: Love your blog title. Myself and my 2 sisters are all writers, and each of us have a chocolate-related blog title. We couldn't blog any other way. :)

Mike and Jen said...

I'm the proud daughter of a rad grad!

Taffy said...

I love 'medium rare'.
I see your point in not feeling like you're 'done'. I guess you're with one thing one the list, *check mark*
Love ya!