Monday, October 12, 2009

Wardrobe Quandary

So imagine you have the brilliant (and by 'brilliant' I meaning (wink wink) 'insane') idea to dangle Christmas ornaments from the edge of your bra. Maybe four of them. Nice big ones. For the perfect touch, they should rest right on your waist line. And for ribbon maybe you use, oh, I don't know, how about surgical tubing? Attached with giant safety pins! And since you're on a surgical theme, you make sure those ornaments are clear and filled with a fluid so disgusting that polite people don't mention it in mixed company.

Yeah, that should look pretty.

Now your only problem is you need to hide this nifty decoration so your young and impressionable children don't puke whenever they see you. (Especially your boys. Boys are so not understanding when it comes to jangly see-through tubing hanging from their mother's underwear.)

When the doctor said to plan on "loose clothing" after surgery, I had no idea just how loose we were talking. I knew about the drains, but I never imagined they'd be this bad. I mean, I'm actually shaped like a loose and jangly Christmas tree. The animated kind you'd see in a holiday parade.

I'd include pictures, but I'm much too polite for that. Maybe I'll just find a green shirt with polka dots and call it good.


EVO SIX said...

and somehow you still have a sense of humor. Love you.

Candace E. Salima said...

Alvin had those after his kidney transplant. Just 2 of them though. And yeah, I feel your pain. The first time I had to empty one it gave me the heebie jeebies. But I got over it. Whew! Hang in there.