Tomorrow's the day. The surgery. Bilateral mastectomy with tissue expanders and node dissection. Sounds impressive. And as my friend Lynette said, very "ouchy". It was kind of cool of me to do it in Breast Cancer Awareness Month.
I was good with the idea of surgery (get it out! was all I could think) until I started reading other's stories. And looking at pictures. Had a kind of freak-out weekend. I sent an email to the surgeon (his preferred method of communication.) And he was good enough to reply with his blackberry from Disneyland. Then he called me Sunday evening, as soon as he got back. I feel very fortunate to have such a caring and skilled team of doctors. I figure their kind of torture will be the gentlest kind possible.
I've actually felt surprisingly good most of the time, but with plenty of dips. I cry at random moments...my grandson's smile, my husband's touch, my little boy's laugh. It's been a blessing to be so busy, to keep my mind off of the upcoming drama. Between the unpacking and the treatments designed to keep the nasty cancer cells away from my nodes for another week (juicing, ionic baths, sauna, etc.)...I hardly have had a minute to think. Which is great.
Here are a couple of my week's highlights:
The Glowing Room. I am not making this up. The colors of this bedroom were apparently picked by a five year old. There was a glow under the door. Even seeing the glow, and having been in the room a half-dozen times, I would still jump when I opened the door. My friend Sharon thought we should keep it in case I needed a good laugh. But poor Whit didn't think she could sleep in it. Here's the BEFORE:
Not perfect, but much better.
Another good day was yesterday. I got to watch my grandson for the entire day. The docs tell me I'll only be able to have people put him in my arms after tomorrow. Yeah, I know, makes me cry. So I tried to record our day. Usually Ethan is full of all things happy. But that didn't show so much in the pics.
"Hmm, a camera. I'm cool with that."
"We done yet?"
"Okay, that's enough Grandma."
So there you have it--my week of waiting. Keep those prayers coming, I'm so grateful for them!